


knocking on heaven's door // 01

by statechamps



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M, The 80s AU, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 20:50:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1792771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/statechamps/pseuds/statechamps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>”What are ya thinking of, Hettie?” Michael asked, staring up at the bumpy texture that the ceiling held. Biting roughly on my lip, I rolled over onto his stomach, my hands on either side of his head. The box springs squealed beneath our crushing weight. “Please, don’t ever call me Hettie. My brother used to call me that, and I really don’t want to be reminded of him. But, sleep. I’m thinking about sleep,” I said. “And so should you, it’s 2 AM.” Michael pursed his lips as I pulled away to rest back on my side of the bed we shared tonight. Different city nearly every night.<br/>I finally lay back against the pillow after twenty minutes of focussing on the humming t.v next door, sighing in exhaustion and beginning to mull over the events that had taken place over the past 4 months. “Michael?” I whispered, praying he wasn't asleep as I turned on the bedside lamp.  “I wanna talk. I guess it’s a bit serious.”<br/>Michael’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Alright,” Michael said slowly, leaning on his elbow. “I’m all ears.” I smiled nervously at him in the dim light before leaning closer until my lips ghosted over his ear. Seconds passed before I finally whispered, “which breakfast joint are we checking out tomorrow morning?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	knocking on heaven's door // 01

Wednesday, February 11th ‘85

I guess it would be alright to say my father had tried a little too hard to make ends meet. By ends, I mean my brothers and I. Forcing conversation, locking us in the same room in a desperate attempt to get either one of us to even mumble a word. It was pointless, there was absolutely no way of getting through to the three of us, and frankly, I was getting quite sick of my father trying. His problem was that he couldn’t understand that things will never be the way that they were back then. Being the only female in the house, I was expected to act as the mother we’ve never really had. Cleaning up every mess, making sure everyone had a decent meal on their plate and was well taken care of. My father had an unreal expectation of who I should be, and his constant pushing was beginning to take it’s toll on me. My wretch of a mother squeezed out Daniel and Adam, my two older brothers before she had gone into labour with me 3 years later. I constantly mull over the bad memories, despite the countless attempts to clear the past events from my mind. My last resort was to turn to self help books from the public library, searching for methods to overcome a chain of unwanted memories

”Get in the car, Hester. Your brother is waiting for you,” My father grumbled, wiping the cookie crumbs off his lip and tossing his car keys in my direction. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his abruptness. “Not even a good morning?” I shot back while washing the plate I had dirtied with my breakfast. “What’s going on, anyways?” As expected, he didn’t even put down his newspaper to pay full attention to me. “Adam was afraid to ask you,” He began, adjusting the thick rimmed glasses that sat atop his nose. “He wanted you to be there with him at his therapy session. Everyone in his group is allowed to bring in a family member who means a lot to them.”

”Could you, uh, repeat that?” I whispered in disbelief, shutting off the tap and tugging slightly on the ends of my hair. Over the past 6 years, my brothers and I had acted like strangers to each other. The last thing I would expect to hear is that one of them actually cares about me. It’s been quite a long time since anyone had made me feel special, that me being here made their world that much better. “I’m not gonna repeat myself, Hester.” Dad replied, finally putting down his newspaper to take a look at my appearance. “You’re going dressed like that? This means a lot to your brother, you know.” I glanced at my attire in the large mirror hanging on the wall. Okay, I didn’t look that bad. Hell, I looked like every other teenager my age. “I don’t see the problem with what I’m wearing, dad,” I groaned, straightening out my jean jacket. “Just go, Adam’s waiting.”

I opened the front door without a goodbye, scrunching my nose as i was met with the chill of February and my brother waiting on the porch, arms crossed and eyes focussed on the passing cars. “Hettie,” He breathed out, glancing at me with his big blue eyes for a mere second before turning away. I smiled nervously and toyed with my fingers. “Why didn’t you tell me before? I wasn’t exactly prepared for this,” I mumbled, becoming uncomfortable as we stood in the cold without looking at each other. “I don’t wanna talk about it, Hester. Just get in the car, yeah?”

”You’re gonna have to let me know sooner or later, ya know,” I added in a cheery voice once we had pulled up to the first stop light. “Please don’t talk to me,” Sighed Adam, slumping in the leather passenger seat and looking out the window. “Alright,” I whispered in disappointment, clicking on the radio in hopes of eliminating some of the tension. The entirety of the ride was silent, besides the radio softly playing my brother’s favourite Motley Crüe album and the occasional scrape from the snow blocks on the road to the bottom of the minivan. As upsetting as it was to say this, I felt a wave of relief wash over me once we had pulled into St. Mary’s church parking lot however many blocks down from our house. “That.. was a bit weird,” Adam finally spoke up after what felt like hours of silence. “Yeah, I guess,” I chuckled and pushed open my door. After leaving the front seat and straightening myself out, Adam had already made it to the front door of the ancient looking church and was looking quite impatient. “Oh, and Hester?” He asked, looking back at me with his bottom lip between his teeth. ”What is it?” I replied nervously. “Try not to fuck this up for me. It’ll be hard for you, but the least you could do for me is try.” It was then that I felt my breakfast slowly making it’s way back up. 

It was tough to focus on one specific object in the church’s basement, with the beautifully coloured stained glass windows portraying different events from the Bible and paintings of stations of the cross. Opposite to the array of scattered artwork, it was nearly impossible to avert my eyes from the many faces of kids my brother’s age who shared the same problems. “Hettie,” Adam whispered, annoyance laced in his voice as he tugged on my hand. “You’re staring. Come and sit with me.” He then led me to a makeshift circle in the centre of the room made up of 20 metal chairs, all surrounding a crappy projector. “This is our therapist, Joanna Grace. She’s really annoying. You won’t like her at all. None of us really do.” Adam explained, seeming pretty confident as he pointed out his tall and burly tracksuit clad leader. She gave off the feel that she was a real burn out. I stifled a chuckle as Adam scoffed at her, constantly stealing glances as she spoke to a pair of girls. Taking Adam and I sitting down first as a green light to join, everybody began to make a bee line towards the circle.

”Are we all here? Yes? Alright, perfect, I think we should begin,” Joanna, the therapist, began with a clearly forced smile. “Okay guys, you know the drill. Except this time, you are going to teach the prayer to the family member you brought with you today. Don’t worry, I’ve got the prayer up on the projector!” Adam groaned a little too loudly, standing up and tugging me with him. “Adam! Don’t groan, that’s rude,” I whispered and focussed my attention on the overhead. “All together, everyone! Almighty and everlasting Lord, I come before you now in great need of your mercy,” My eyes veered away from the overhead in pure boredom. I wasn’t one to take an interest in religion; I had nothing against God, I just made the choice to not believe in him. I would never tell that to my father, he’d most likely have my head on a platter. 

The extremely long prayer ended minutes later, followed by a series of relieved sighs. “Are they like this every day?” I quietly asked Adam, glancing around the room of troubled youths. “Yeah, pretty much. To be honest, this is a good day for them. They’re only acting less like the dick weeds that they are is because their family is with ‘em,” Answered Adam, his voice muffled as he chewed on the skin around his thumb. “Y’all have had enough time for chatting, I think we should get into today’s activity! Last week, we focussed on psychological exercises a number of times, and now we will be moving onto trust building activities. It will be more interesting than it was last time, I promise you that. Especially since you all have somebody with you today! Now, who wants to pull an activity card out of the hat?” At that moment, it was as if everyone in the room had died. The talking came to a halt and a thick silence filled the air. 

”Nobody? Alright,” Joanna sighed, her eyebrows knit together in annoyance as she placed a hand into the top hat and pulled out a small white card. “Proximity! I was hoping I’d pick this one.” She smiled. Adam let out a deep groan, bringing over the eyes of nearly every presence in the room. “Does anybody want to read the card? Anybody besides Adam?” Joanna chuckled while holding out the card in front of her. Nobody answered her question, except for one boy on the opposite side of the circle. He stood up from his seat, scurrying to where the therapist stood in the centre of the room. “I’ll do it.” The boy whispered, his voice barely reaching my ears. “Well, thank you. Thank you very much, Michael. Go ahead.”

”Illustrate the importance of physical proximity by having people in pairs stand facing each a comfortable distance apart,” the boy, now known as Michael, began. Giggles surfaced between three girls as he spoke, causing him to stop halfway through the card. As if the anxiety he had previously been feeling was not enough for him to handle. “You’re doing great, Michael. Continue.” Pressed Joanna, shooting him a sweet smile. Michael smiled weakly in return before speaking up again with his unsteady voice. “Then ask people to move a little closer and feel what its like. Then ask people to increase the distance apart and notice how it changes one’s feelings. I’m, uh, finished. Can I sit now?” 

Michael returned to his seat at the other side of the room, his hands shaking as he covered his mouth. Joanna said her thanks before explaining what would be going on once more, just to be sure everybody understood, yet I was more interested in the way Michael continued to shake in the metal chair beneath him. The fear continued to cloud his green eyes, making him look so vulnerable. My observations went unnoticed for a few moments more, until Michael caught my gaze. I felt as though I was locked in some death trap; like I was unable to move despite how hard I tried. “Can you quit it? Pay attention to Joanna. She’s much more important than he is,” Adam hissed from beside me, his surprisingly long finger nails digging into the skin of my thigh. It ended nearly as soon as it had begun as Michael’s eyes finally lingered away from mine, making me feel empty; almost like I was being stripped of something I didn’t know I needed. 

A few boring sentences later, the group’s therapist had finally finished her explanation of the proximity exercise and had placed everyone in the room into pairs and was beginning the activity. To say I was uncomfortable was an understatement. Adam had been paired off with a boy who he seemed to already be well acquainted with and was more than ready to begin, while I was paired with a gal who stared me down as though she was going to give me a fresh one at any given moment. “My name is Belinda, by the way,” the red-headed girl snarled, her arms crossed as she stared blankly at the wall. “Hester,” I responded, giving her a tight smile. “Hester Robinson.” My partner stared at me with her pale blue eyes in slits. “I don’t give a rat’s ass about your last name. Now, can we get started? Thanks,”

Belinda took her position in front of me, eyes shut and arms crossed. “Let’s get this over with. I just met you and I can’t stand you,” she whispered, her eyes opening once more once Joanna had signalled everyone to begin. I followed her lead and moved closer to her body as she took a step closer, looking away every few seconds to see how close the others were getting. Adam’s probably enjoying this activity, I thought to myself, shutting my eyes as the uncomfortable feeling swelled up inside of me. “Okay, stop.” Joanna said, her voice cracking slightly as she spoke.

”Before I switch you guys up, I want to hear from at least somebody. Tell me how you felt when getting close to your partner,” Spoke the group’s therapist, nervousness laced in her deep voice. “Anyone?” The room fell silent, the talking always seemed to stop when Joanna asked for a volunteer. “It was fuckin’ bogus, Joanna,” a voice called out from across the room. A boy stood up from his seat with a large hand running through his golden locks as he opened his mouth to explain the experience. “Language, Ashton. But go on,” 

I sat there in awe, watching as the words spilled from his gorgeous mouth and soon enough we were paired off again. To my luck, I was partnered with the long-legged curly haired boy with the drool worthy accent. “It looks like I got lucky,” Ashton said with a light chuckle after he had taken a seat next to me. I bit my lip nervously, picking at the polish on my nails. “My name is Hester,” I blurted out, eyes locked on his. Ashton smirked at the nervousness radiating off of me while I held out my hand for him to shake. “The names Irwin. Ashton Irwin,” He replied, taking my hand and kissing the top of it. “Are you trying to charm me, Mr. Irwin?” I asked, a smile playing on my lips. “Depends, are you buying it?” 

”My name is Michael,” A familiar voice sounded from behind Ashton and I. My head snapped in their direction, only to be met with the eyes of the black haired boy from earlier. “Hello,” I breathed out, glancing at Ashton. “I’m here to see my friend,” Michael whispered as he smoothed out his leather jacket and took a seat. “Bangin’ jacket, Mikey! Where’d you pick that one up?” Michael’s cheeks flushed at his friend’s compliment and scratched nervously at the mop of hair on his head. “My grandma gave it to me. Said she picked it up at good will a few weeks back,” Ashton’s lips parted as he began to speak, only to be cut off my Michael once more. “So, Hessie. Can I call you Hessie? Do you prefer Hettie? Or just Hester? I like Hessie. Or Hettie.” Michael babbled on about my name and I couldn’t keep the giggles from passing my lips. “How do you even know my name?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion as I continued to laugh. “This freak couldn’t keep his peepers off of you during the first go of the exercise,” Ashton responded under his breath, that wonderful smirk of his sitting back on his lips.


End file.
